What Do You Want
I was recently asked a question. What do you want ? A question I couldn’t answer. I stumbled and fidgeted my way around the question to come up with an answer. Me. The unsolicited advice giver, who always has a well thought out or smart reply, has no reply. TODAY SPEECHLESS.. The question was simple … “What do you want?” “What do you truly want out of life?” Many people have a list, from what I gathered from this question. Not me. I have completed my entire list. At age 45, I don’t really have any additional wants.
Oh, You Really Want My Answer?
My life is complete with a husband, a daughter, a son, two dogs, two cars, a house and a brown picket fence. My wants are complete. Why ask this question? I ask the questions. I have spent my life devoted to asking questions to hear responses. To learn, to grow, to understand. But, now someone in my own family was asking me this question. Oh, how the tables have turned. Maybe, I seem sad and that is why I was asked this question? Maybe, I seem lost? Cause, yes. I am sad and yes, I am lost. There is a sense of overwhelming sadness that has came over me lately. Of course, I’m beaming with pride too. But, mainly sadness.
The World is Moving Fast
Everything around me is changing. The world is moving too fast. I have never been one that wished to turn back the clocks of time,; but right now, at this point I do. I want to turn back time. That is what I want. What do you want ? I want to enjoy more time with my kids. Both will be out of high school in a few short days. But, I can’t regain time. Instead, I find myself deep in thought. Lost in nature and running from fear. The fear of being alone.
For the first time in my life, I fear I’m not needed. Somehow, I have convinced myself that I lived for being a mother and wife. So, yes, I’m lost. What do I want? I have no clue. I almost feel as if I am starting over. A clean slate. That is a little scary for me. Other parents around me are rejoicing and embracing this change, not me. I find sadness in the fact.
Thank goodness that spring is here. I need my walks. I need to center myself in nature. This year the plan is to grow and not avoid dealing with my emotions. For so long I have hid my emotions as if they are shameful. Where I got this thought from is beyond me. I have tried to hold back the tears and sadness but today, while birding the tears flowed like a waterfall.
Finding and Locating Warblers
I met up with a retired gentleman and fellow birder. A gentleman that I have seen and spoke with over the course of the last few days at another location. Today, we both happened to pick another location to visit. We ended up stopping to listen for the Mourning Warbler, which I quickly spotted and pointed out for him. I see the motion and color long before the full view of the bird most times.
To be perfectly honest, I don’t visually know most of the warbler species I am looking for. I go by movement and sound. If I hear an unknown sound, I look more carefully. After I get home I look up the warbler. The gentleman that I was visiting with had himself a pretty nice setup but told me he purchased it over 15 years ago and they didn’t make it any longer. True, I looked it up; they don’t. I ordered what I will refer to as the “nut” to help me locate certain warblers by sound. You will just have to wait and see what the nut is, and how I plan to use it when I receive it. Hopefully, my idea works so I can help additional birders identify their warblers in the woods.
As we sat and talked we marveled at the little guys flitting from branch to branch and stirred up conversation. I saw him looking at my eyes – I am sure they were red and swollen, but he didn’t ask any questions,. We stuck to birding topics and exchanged hot birding locations. Then went our own way.
I have an additional post on Warblers here. This post includes a free printable warbler guide for those interested in ID’ing the birds. My portfolio on Smugmug contains a running list of pictures of the birds I have been lucky enough to capture in frame. You can view and/or purchase here.
It is the Critters that Keep Me Coming Back
I stopped at a meadow that has large pines, hardwoods and cedars on the outskirts of the field. Good place to look for critters. There was a bunny happily chewing on blades of grass under the coverage of the cedars.
I stood and watched him and set up a few shots. He was pretty well hidden in the grass, I had to drop down lower to shoot through the grass and trees. I love the artist feel to the picture from shooting through the vegetation.
On to the woods. Rarely, do I walk in the woods and not come upon a deer or two. No exception today. This one posed for me. I’m a little crazy, in my own special way. Keeps life interesting.
Deer: “Does this pose make my butt look big?”
Me: No, deer you look marvelous. Simply marvelous.” “Work the camera, Work the camera, girlfriend.”
After I visited with my furry friend the rain drops started coming down and I decided it was time to head for the car.
Another wonderful morning in the woods completed. Thanks for tagging along. As a reminder you can purchase many of my photography prints. I sell on three platforms.
Fine Art America / Zazzle / Smugmug / Pixel Image Licensing
Breakdown of the Companies I Use to Sell My Work:
Fine Art America
Looking for a conversation piece that will have your friends and family talking? Here is the top of the line – museum grade printing materials company. The pricing is a little higher – no doubt. Every purchase through Fine Art America includes a MONEY BACK GUARANTEE SHOP NOW
Every purchase through Zazzle also includes a MONEY BACK GUARANTEE.
Smugmug is a living archive of all of my photography endeavors. I have oodles and oodles of albums for your viewing pleasure. You may order photo prints off the albums. Sorry, the company that prints doesn’t allow returns.
Pixels Image Licensing
Pixels Image Licensing is the company that I use to license images. Need an image for a media project, billboard, tv advertising, book cover, magazine or website? I allow Pixels to license my images directly to you. There are some stipulations, like you can’t produce prints to sell, calendars, t-shirts, coffee mugs and such with the sole purpose of profiting off the image. The site does a pretty good job of telling you what you can, and can’t do with the images. If you have a question email me nikkilynndesigns @ gmail.com