My Dam Project
In order to deal with life and balance inner peace you have a choice. You can take the easy way and try to suppress your feelings by stuffing them down into some black hole. Which doesn’t seem to work. Or, you can deal with them in a healthy way. Welcome to My Dam Project.
Stuffing Feelings Into a Black Hole Doesn’t Work
Sometimes, it is much easier to try to stuff them into that black hole, hoping and praying to keep them buried. You know what? It doesn’t work. At some time you will need to deal with them because they will surface in other areas of your life. They become obstacles and roadblocks preventing you and your loved ones from true happiness.
The Door IS Locked
For today’s purpose, I will use something as simple as an unlocked but closed-door in front of you as an analogy. There is a whole world beyond that door waiting for you to explore, if only you would open the door. But you can’t, you’re scared. That door is protecting you and loved ones from threats.
The ivy grows thick, the paint has weathered and surroundings have fell into disrepair.
Banish the Feeling Does It Really Exist?
Instead, anytime something is perceived as a threat you immediately banish it to the other side of the door. You never allow yourself to experience the emotion or purpose that the “thing, person or emotion” was trying to allow you to see.
You go about your life stuffing those threats behind the other side of the door. Until one day you wonder what is behind that door, what did you miss out on beyond the door? You know there is a mix of good and bad opportunities that wait for you. You are scared and decide to beat on the door, just to see how strong it is. The door is secure and you feel safe.
Every once in awhile you beat on the door. Your main purpose is to check to be sure it is secure, but you are also building up some more curiosity on what is behind that door. What if you opened it?
A Crack of Light – There Is Hope
One day while beating on the door, it cracks slightly. Fear strikes you but you also see an overwhelming warm and bright light coming through it. It is light of hope. You see rays of hope and it feels good, really good! Your curiosity builds further; the only thing holding you back from exploring, is dealing with all the negative emotion and pain you have also stuffed behind that darn door.
You start thinking to yourself what would happen if from this day forward you stopped thinking of stuffing negative items behind the door. Open the door and deal with them as they come up. Sometimes a good rain is what the land needs, right?
At some point you WILL have to deal with what is behind that door. Again, you decide against it. Too much pain there.
You train yourself to tackle the new problems that come up from today, head on. You get pretty good at it, having a few setbacks along the way.
Today I’m Ready To Walk Through the Door
Then one day you are ready. Ready to open the door and tackle everything behind it. I have chosen to deal with the negativity behind that door and I like to call it “My dam project.”
My Dam Project
My door has been slowly opened. It flooded my room for a few months. I had to learn to build a small dam and work in a manner that I was not used to. It was hard.
Extremely hard work. Knowing the proper amount of water to release so I wouldn’t flood while trying to work on what needed to be repaired and trying to balance the incoming water levels properly.
Over the past few months, the water level has settled and adjusted, I don’t feel like I am going to drown any longer.
Learning to Snorkel
Besides learning how to build a dam to regulate the water; and learn how to deal with flood gates of emotions – I have also learned how to snorkel. I float above the water, looking at situations and decide on what I believe to be worth fixing. Extremely helpful to learn how to snorkel – I’m telling ya 🙂
Some Cracks Can’t Be Fixed
The items that I believe are worth working to fix are cracks that are being repaired back to working order.
Some items behind that door can’t be fixed. There are not enough resources, time or energy for the amount of repairs that are needed. In that case, it is best to open the gate and send them down the river. This way I can place something worth my time into my efforts and new working equation. Yep, you read that right. Worth my time.
At least when you send something down river you can still re-visit it and work on it in your spare time (If wanted). It is just not your number one priority at the moment.
Do You Have Any Doors That Need Attention?
My dam was built. The water behind the door has been tamed. The dam I built stopped the water damage. Now it is slowly releasing pressure. There are things on the other side of the dam I haven’t dealt with. For now, they will stay there. Maybe for my entire lifetime. Not sure. They are there for later, if and when I wish to deal with them. If not the dam will hold ’em.
Life Becomes Easier When You Can Float
Either way – the flood waters didn’t carry me downstream and they didn’t drowned me. I’m still here floating above the water. Life becomes easier when you let the things that are weighing you down go. Not having something tied around your neck is a pretty good feeling—-> You can float.
Update: Hang in there if you are in a bad place today. I wrote this over 5 years ago. Wow! Can’t believe it! Because I shared this I was able to see where I was at this point in time and see where I am today. Plenty of changes and self growth. Not stating depression doesn’t hit now and again, but this was a very difficult day.
I made a difficult decision on this date and it proved be the correct one. Although, I still struggle with some of the details today – I’m in a much happier place.
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